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Children's & Youth Discipleship
Across the country, students and parents/caregivers are getting ready to or have already headed back to the classroom. Whether that classroom is in the home or away in a school, the nerves and anxiety that can accompany new things is palplable, This is a perfect time for us to be that non-anxious presence and offer the grace and peace that comes with knowing God is with us.
Below are some intentional ways parents/caregivers or ministers can connect with students throughout the school year in a variety of ways that will help keep them grounded with faith and family.
PRESCHOOL/KINDERGARTEN
The Kissing Hand is a book where a little raccoon is nervous about being away from his mom on his first day of school and she kisses the palm of his hand and tells him that if he is feeling scared or lonely, he can press his palm to his cheek and feel her love with him.
We can do this for our kids as well and one way to connect it to faith would be to draw a heart and a cross on the palm of their hand and say, “If you miss me, you can look at your hand and know that I love you and that Jesus is always with you.”
ELEMENTARY
When serving as a Children’s Pastor several years ago, I would go to a local public school and eat lunch with a bunch of “my” kids from church. At the beginning of the year, I gave the kids frog pencil toppers and told them whenever school gets tough to remember that they could “Fully Rely On God.” I bought a big bag of small plastic frogs on Amazon to take with me when I have lunch with the kids. When I come to visit, I give each kid a frog to remind them to fully rely on God.
As I sit with the kids, their friends are intrigued and want frogs, too. So I give “my” kids frogs to hand out. As they do, I explain who I am and why I was there. “My” kids invite their friends to come to church with them. I emphasize that I’ll be there and the kids’ friends will be there and I would follow up the invitation by letting kids know their entire families are welcome
This experience is awesome. We probably invited more kids to church in that shared lunch than in most of our outreaches, all because of some plastic frogs and some really great kids. I think this would be great for parents/caregivers to do as well as ministers – it’s a way to connect that is tangible and experiential.
MIDDLE SCHOOL
Middle school – just hearing that can immediately strike a chord of terror in many hearts. Whether it is because you are reflecting back on your own experience or dreading the fact that your child is now entering or in that phase, the middle school era carries with it some unique challenges.
Consider making space for some intentional conversations or weekends away to help them find space to connect with their parents/caregivers and process the new things they are learning or experiences. A few ways to make these intentional conversations meaningful:
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Build the excitement – Let middle schoolers know that there’s a plan to get away or to connect. It will mean so much to know they are being prioritized.
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Give over (some) control – While there may be specific things a parent/caregiver might want to address, offer space for the middle schoolers input and let them direct the conversation as they feel comfortable.
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A gift, like a watch or a necklace, that can help them re-connect to their conversation and to the love and faith shared at that time. Reminiscent of the Kissing Hand.
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Have FUN! – Fun is how this age learns. Creating space for connections to be made in a place of joy will help them to be solidified in their hearts and minds.
HIGH SCHOOL
In 2017, Dr. Richard Ross, a professor at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, asked that question. Specifically, he states, “The issue really is not: How is our youth group doing today? Instead, the core question is: How will our youth group be doing for a lifetime?” In answering that question, he proposed three needs that must be met for the goal of making disciples to be achieved. He based those three needs directly on Scripture consistent with the best current research concerning teenagers who follow Jesus for a lifetime. His “ministry in thirds” consists of…
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Parents/Caregivers who adore Jesus, love the church, and are actively on mission.An integrated community of believers where old and young interact in relationships and worship.
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A Bible-drenched peer group who actively live out the gospel together.
As the school year ramps us, it may be tempting to reduce time spent together with the faith community. Understandably, new jobs and sports activities may become a challenge. But work with high schoolers to find a way to compensate if regular gathering times can’t be maintained.
COLLEGE
When our kids grow up and head to college, it can often be an “out of sight, out of mind” scenario. But that is to our detriment. While those students may not return to our building, our heart is always to help them stay connected to the church.
Ways we can do that:
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Pray over and send each student out with a blessing. One church I know puts together blankets which they also pray over and send with the student in college.
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Connect each student with a church “pen pal” who will organize the sending of care packages and notes to the student while they are away.
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Check in with the parents and parents/caregivers, check in with your church. Pray for and support one another.
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Welcome Home – Make a big deal out of homecoming visits. This doesn’t have to be loud and up-front, but acknowledging their visit and letting them know how much they are loved and missed will speak volumes to a sense of community and belonging.
Family Faith Formation
“Highs and Lows!!”
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If you ate dinner with the Embree family while our kids were young, no doubt that right after we pray, you heard our youngest child yell this out. It had become part of our dinnertime DNA and something that has led to incredible faith conversations over spaghetti and salad.
Our dinner time discussions were often spurred on by asking four simple questions. In fact, some of our most defining discussions as a family in terms of discipleship and spiritual formation have taken place because of these four questions.
I can’t take credit for them. That honor goes to Dr. Kara Powell of Fuller Youth Institute. I had the opportunity a few years ago to attend a seminar led by her about Sticky Faith and how to help our kids develop a faith that sticks beyond high school. She shared this dinner time routine at that conference and I immediately thought, “This is easy! This is something we can do!” and so… we did.
Here are four simple questions our family asks each other nearly every day.
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1. What was your HIGH today?
Simply put, you are just asking what went well that day. Why? Well, I’m sure you’ve all experienced the oh-so-enlightening after-school conversation that goes something like this:
Parent – So, how was school today? Child – Fine.
Parent – Well, what’d you do? Child – Nothing.
Parent – You had to do something. What did you learn? Child – I dunno.
Parent – Oh come on, give me something! Child – *blank stare*
Asking a question like “What was your high?” begs the answer in story form. Sure every now and then, we get a shrug, but most of the time, we get to hear about something that happened that day that otherwise we would not have been privy too. Plus the whole family gets to celebrate the moment together.
2. What was your LOW today?
It is important to recognize that not everything that happens in a day is fun and happy. Sometimes things happen that make us angry or sad. Having a safe place to mention low times and process with family can lead to some of the most meaningful moments in your family’s life.
We’ve cried together, talked through some difficult situation, prayed for people who hurt us or were hurting, and addressed some of the harder things kids face in life. We don’t want our kids to live a “facebook” existence where only the good moments get highlighted; rather, we want to teach them that God and home are safe places even in the hardest times.
3. What MISTAKE did you make today?
We all cringe a little bit at this one. It means we have to step back and acknowledge that we may have messed up. It takes humility to admit that, not only to ourselves, but also to our family. And no one is exempt; even Mom and Dad have to answer the question.
Do you know what message this sends our kids? That we mess up, but God’s love is available anyway. Forgiveness and grace are always available. Sometimes, we can genuinely say, “I had a good day and I can’t think of any mistakes” but those times are outweighed by the moments we recognize that we trip up and fall into the grace of God. We want our kids to know that no matter how big the “mistake”, God’s grace, love and forgiveness are always available, and so is ours.
4. Where did you see JESUS today?
This is by far my favorite question. it’s different from the High of the day. It’s where we have experienced God in our everyday life. I love the answers my kids give to this question, things like, “I saw Jesus when my friend gave me a hug” and “I saw Jesus when my teacher forgave some kids who had three strikes and let them have ice cream anyway.”
Seeing the attributes of God in the world around them keeps them looking for Jesus everywhere they go. Once, one of my girls wrote a note to a friend in which she said, “When you [did that thing] I saw Jesus in you.” That’s exactly the kind of note we need to be giving one another!
Four simple questions. Four amazing life lessons.
Four easy ways to connect. Four intentional moments for discipleship.
While the dinner table works for us, maybe it would work better for you on car rides? Or before bedtime? Or maybe even over text if your kids are older?
The idea isn’t to create another “thing “we feel pressured to do. Rather, it is to layer some intentionality over what we are already doing to create the opportunity to model faith, experience grace, and increase love together.
And, if your family is anything like mine, it will become an anticipated moment of each day.
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So, where did YOU see Jesus today? Share with your kids and let them share with you!
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Intergenerational Opportunities
​​​I’ve only been to New York twice but both times, I got to see a Broadway show! While there, I couldn’t help but notice that at both shows, a number of parents had chosen to bring their kids. I overheard one mom saying this was what her child had asked for for her birthday. Another explained he wanted his kids to have exposure to the theater as they grew. Another couldn’t help asking her middle-school aged kids what they thought of the seats, the costumes, the actors, etc. And, as one might expect, the kids acted like kids at the show. Some cheered a bit too loud. There were definitely potty breaks. Lots of questions being asked. A few outbursts or muffled conversations.
Interestingly, I didn’t see any adults get visibly upset. No ushers came over to ask the parents to remove the children from the performance. I did see a few people greet the kids, smile at the parents, ask the kids what they thought, and otherwise interact with the children, but no overtly negative reactions.
It reminded me of when my oldest daughter went with her dad one year to see The Nutcracker Ballet at Christmas. She was quite young at the time. but she and her dad dressed in their finest; she even got put her hair in an up-do, and off they went. It was a long show. There were many in attendance, almost all older than her. While she loved being with her dad and seeing the show, she was also a preschooler so she wiggled and squirmed and squealed and giggled. She had to go to the bathroom. She got hungry and wanted snacks.
But when she got home, she beamed.
I asked her to tell me about it and all she could remember was the scene with The Rat King (Oooo…scary!). I asked my husband to tell me about it and much of what he could remember was her wiggliness. But then I asked if people seemed bothered by her and he said, “No. Actually I had a few people compliment me on bringing her to the ballet.” I posted an adorable picture of their date on Facebook and many similar comments were posted, things like, “So good that you are giving her this experience at such a young age” and “This is exactly what kids should be experiencing.”
Surprisingly not one person commented, “Hmm, seems like a waste of money to me. I mean, did she even understand anything?” Nobody criticized us for forcing her to sit through a long performance filled with imagery and dialogue she couldn’t follow. No one complained about her fidgeting or her outbursts. And nobody questioned whether this was beneficial for her.
Because everyone recognized, it wasn’t about her understanding the “story” of The Nutcracker or her watching the ballet with a critical eye or even her sitting still through the performance.
Just like those parents who brought their kids to a Broadway shows, it was about giving her an experience, a total package, filled with sights and sounds and smells and stories that could be felt and experienced even if they couldn’t be understood or comprehended.
I once had a mom share with me that the reason her kids didn’t always join us in Kids Church is because she wants to them to get to experience the traditional service at church, to hear the liturgy, to listen to the hymns, to be a part of a service that replicates the services that she grew up in and that have been part of their family’s tradition.
You see, for this mom, it’s not about her children understanding each word of the sermon or comprehending the history of the liturgy or the meaning of the hymns. It about the total package; the experience of being in church, surrounded by the things that have been formational for generations and by the people who make up the body of Christ. These children get to be seen, they get to see, and they get to experience church.
The church experience is much bigger than a sermon.
Big or little, child or adult, the sermon is only part of the whole experience. Not understanding the sermon in no way negates the rest of the experience. Seeing the people. Singing the songs. Giving our tithes and God’s offerings. Praying, at your seat or at the altar or in small groups or corporately as a whole church. Reading Scripture. Reciting psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Smelling the incense. Tasting the communion elements. Serving. Celebrating. Fellowshipping. Communing with God and with each other.
It’s a total package.
And much of what is included in that package is not comprehended through the mind, but through the heart. It’s not things that require a certain level of development but things that are experienced through the senses and understood through emotions. A sense of belonging, a place in community, an important part of a body. All of that can be experienced, regardless of age.
As adults, we recognize that there is more to the church service than just the sermon. The same holds true for children. Giving them the opportunity to experience the total package is a gift; whether they understand parts of it or not.
Final Four
1 Book - 1 Video - 1 Website - 1 Resource
BOOK
“Who Are We? A Child’s Guide to the Brethren in Christ Core Values by Stephanie Peterson
Available Soon!
Stephanie Peterson has beautifully written and illustrated two new children’s book introducing the Brethren in Christ Core Values; one designed for toddlers and one for elementary-aged kids. These will be available in both English and Spanish, making these resources accessible to even more families and congregations.
VIDEO
A Case for Intergenerational Ministry with Dr. Holly Catterton Allen, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyPox8y0_us
Theology in the Raw with Preston Sprinkle invited Dr. Allen to the show to share her research and relationship with intergenerational ministry in the church, In the conversation, they talk extensively about the need for intergenerational ministries in our churches.
WEBSITE
Generationspark.org
Generation Spark partners with church leaders to provide a research-based action plan that builds successful, authentic, and safe intergenerational mentoring relationships that spark intimacy with Jesus, a sense of mission, and meaningful connection.
RESOURCE
The Culture Translator from Axis.org
https://axis.org/resource-category/culture-translator/
Each week, the Axis team researches culture to help you stay up to date on the music, movies, TV shows, and social media trends impacting your kid’s world. Explore past editions below and sign up to receive the weekly Culture Translator email for free.